Funny Jokes For Kids & Dads~ Printable

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Need some funny jokes and puns to keep the kids entertained?  I have a big printable list of funny jokes for your enjoyment, giggles and eye rolls.

My kids love telling jokes. They are always trying to tell me their funniest jokes. My dad & my husband are both comedians and always full of silly dad jokes. So I thought it would be a lot of fun to compile a big list of funny jokes for kids & dads (or moms!  Dad’s just always get teased for telling corny jokes)!

See also my Funny Would You Rather Questions for Kids!

I know funny is relative. Some will make you giggle, some will make you laugh out loud, and some may just make you roll your eyes. But hopefully these funny jokes will bring out a few smile to brighten your day!

I also created these in a printable format.  You can print these to put jokes in your kids lunch boxes, to start a class with a little bit of humor, or for fun family time around the dinner table.

Download the Printable Funny Jokes for Kids & Dads now.

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100 Funny Jokes for Kids and Dads + Printable

• Do you know how a hurricane got its name?  It’s called a hurricane because it is so unpredictable. If it was predictable they would call it a himmacane.
• What was the first animal in space?  The cow that jumped over the moon.
• I told my wife she needs to embrace her mistakes. So she gave me a hug.
• How do you make a tissue dance?  You put a little boogie in it.
• What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an insect?  Bugs bunny
• They say you should try playing chess with kids.   But it’s really hard to get all 32 of them to stand in their squares.
• I’m reading a book about zero gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• I just found out I am color blind. The news came out of the orange.
• How much room do you need to grow a fungus?  As mushroom as possible.
• How does the ocean say hello?  He waves.
• Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?  She kept running away from the ball.
• Want to hear a joke about paper?  It’s tearable.
• What’s brown and sticky?  A stick.
• Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom?  Because he didn’t have the guts.
• Did you know laughing out loud in Hawaii is illegal?  They only permit a-low-ha.
• Why aren’t astronauts hungry when they get into space?  Because they had a big launch.
• What did the rabbit use to propose to his girlfriend?  A 24-carrot ring
• My wife asked if I’ve seen the dog bowl. I said I never new that he did.
• What do you call cheese that’s not yours?  Nacho cheese.
• How do you catch a unique rabbit?  Unique upon it.
• Why don’t eggs tell jokes?  Because they crack up!
• What do you call an angry carrot?  A steamed veggie.
• What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer?  The space bar.
• What did the pig say as he was laying in the sun?  I’m bacon.
• I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
• Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But cats can.
• Singing in the shower is great until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
• Did you hear the rumor about butter?  I’m not gonna spread it.
• Why did the cookie go to the hospital?  Because it felt crummy.
• A man at a dinosaur museum asked the tour guide how old a set of dinosaur fossils was. The tour guide said 60 million and 6 years old. The man was amazed and asked how he can know with such precision. The tour guide told him he’s not sure but the dinosaur bones were 60 million years old when he started working there 6 years ago.
• Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? He drank it before it was cool.
• I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
• Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
• How do you create light with water?  Clean the windows.
• When someone tells me to stop acting like a flamingo, that’s when I put my foot down.
• How does a procrastinator say goodbye?  Later.
• Why did they call it the dark ages?  Because there were so many knights.
• People often accuse me of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.
• Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?  Because then it would be a foot.
• Have you heard the joke about yoga?  Never mind. It’s a bit of a stretch.
• What’s the one things that only works after it’s been retired?  A car.
• What to you get when you pamper a cow?  Spoiled milk.
• Why are pirates called pirates?  Because they Arrrrrr
• A man went to the doctor and said: “Doc, I broke my arm in 12 places.” The doctor answered, “You should stop going to those places.”
• What dinosaur has the best vocabulary?  The thesaurus
• Why am I taking a ruler to bed?  To see how long I sleep.
• What did the left eye say to the right eye?  Don’t look now, but something between us smells.
• What is smarter than a talking worm? A spelling bee.
• How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?  Fore.
• How do you get an astronaut’s baby to sleep?  Rocket.
• What kind of tree fits in your hand?  A palm tree.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor?  It was’t peeling well.
• What are a frog’s favorite kind of shoes?  Open toad shoes.
• I bought a textbook about human anatomy the other day. Someone had removed the appendix.
• What do you call a bear with no teeth?  A gummy bear
• The waiter says: “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”  A time traveler walks into a restaurant.
• What bird has the worst manners?  A mocking bird
• Yesterday my son asked me: “Can I have a book mark?”  11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name
• What did the frog say to the other frog?  Nothing because it already croaked
• What kind of music scares balloons?  Pop music
• How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?  ten-tickles
• Who ordered the corn to pop?  The kernel
• What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?  The pavement
• My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.
• Have you ever tried archery blindfolded? You don’t know what you’re missing.
• Everyone knows where the Big Apple is. But does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
• Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field.
• I never believed in my chiropractor, but now I stand corrected.
• Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
• What is a squirrel’s favorite musical?  Into the Woods
• I would like to share a joke with you about peanut butter. But I won’t because you might spread it.
• My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with grandpa, until Mom took the urn away.
• What do polar bears eat for lunch?  Ice burgers
• What is a cucumber’s favorite instrument?  A pickle -o
• Why did the child go to the other side of the playground?  To get to the other slide
• What do you call a sad strawberry?  a blueberry
• Why could nobody see the seagull?  Because he was in da skies

• Do you know why the two 4’s didn’t go to the cafeteria?  They already 8.
• Why did the tomato blush?  Because he saw the salad dressing
• Why did the girl do her homework in an airplane?  So she could get a higher education
• The English book asked the math book why he was so sad. He answered: “Because I have so many problems!”
• Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?  It was two tired.
• What did baby corn ask mama corn?  Where’s pop corn
• Why was 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7, 8, 9
• What do you call an alligator who wears a vest?  An investigator
• What do you call an avocado that goes to church?  Holy Guacamole
• What do you call a fake noodle?  An impasta
• What is the dentist’s favorite instrument?  A tuba toothpaste
• What kind of bagels can fly?  Plain bagels
• What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice belt
• When I was young there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew why.
• What’s the difference between a two year old who. cries and a duckling?  One’s a whiny toddler, the other’s a tiny waddler.
• What are the clumsiest things in the galaxy?  Falling stars
• I kept wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• What kinds of shorts do clouds wear?  Thunderwear
• Why is a baseball game usually at night?  The bats sleep during the day.
• What’s fast, loud and crunchy?  A rocket chip
• Knock knock.  Who’s there?  Spell. Spell who?  W-H-O
• Knock knock. Who’s there? Cash. Cash who?  No thanks, I’m full.
• What is Green and likes to sing?  Elvis Parsley!
• Who is a dog’s favorite signer of the Declaration of Independence?  Bonejamin Franklin!
• Did you hear about the group of kids who fell asleep at school? The group was called the ‘Bored of Education’
• Did you know that 6:30 is hands down the best time on the clock?
• What did the poets say when they met each other?  Haven’t we metaphor?
• What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards? A receding hare line!
• Why aren’t koalas actual bears? Because they don’t meet the koalafications
• What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weakdays!
• Just a warning for anyone who buys a watch on Amazon. I learned the hard way that, if it says you can swim with it, that only applies if you can already swim WITHOUT it.

I hope these funny jokes made your day a little lighter. Be sure to grab the printable funny jokes for kids & dads!

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